Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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