Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
