FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
