He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
