He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
