god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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