Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
