I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize