She is in my trunk
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
