She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
