I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
