I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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