I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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