Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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