Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
