She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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