how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
