The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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