remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
