does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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