She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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