it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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