if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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