pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
