He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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