In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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