you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
