Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
