i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
