It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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