i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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