It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
