when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
