A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
