Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
