you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
