today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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