this beer tastes like vomit already
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
