Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im six kinds of drunk right now
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
