dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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