im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
