im drinking this country out of the recession.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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