Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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