I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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