Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Boobs are out for the taking
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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