The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
