i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
