just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
