Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
