then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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