i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
