He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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