It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
