Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
