OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
