mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
