I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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