You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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