I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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