oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
