the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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