i permit you to call me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it hurts more in the daytime
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
