He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
