smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
