I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
