I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hello my rib-scented angel!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
