I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
