worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
