He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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