Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
