there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
