Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize