First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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