Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
