she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
