a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize