I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
