I'm lost and stupid without you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
