Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
