When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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