my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it glows. i had to have it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize