I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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