I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
