do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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