Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
