What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
