Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
