Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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