He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
